the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
