I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
