I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize