Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
