I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
