so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
