She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
