This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
