fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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