there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
