fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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