my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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