Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Couch. On fire.
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