how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
