i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
