Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
