Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
