onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
