I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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