You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
