We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
