what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Houston, we have a squirter
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
