you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would fuck him just for his dog
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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