garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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