none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
