it hurts more in the daytime
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
