already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
