I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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