Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
