I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize