He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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