we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
