Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
