you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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