You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
