Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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