why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
