she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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