I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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