You're so nebulous sometimes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how drunk are you?
Several
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
