There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
