Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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