I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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