no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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