do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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