I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I touched a dick in church today
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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