im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
