so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He is an equal opportunity slut.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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