i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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