Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
