This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
