He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize