If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
