Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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