I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
