I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
