1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
