For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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