I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My life is pants optional.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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