Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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