Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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