I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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