Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
