I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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