I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
