A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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