WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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