what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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