dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
