You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize