i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
