did you get engaged???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
