Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
