explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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