Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
