remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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