if i can run in heels then i can drive
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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