I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
