On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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