Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
