First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
