I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
