is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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