This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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