dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
