why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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