Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
