It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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