You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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