Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
