Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize