Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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