remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
