My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
